To love a silly little piece of music

I remember when I first saw the movie Almost Famous - it was the extended cut. The scene where Penny Lane dances to the The Wind by Cat Stevens invoke something, and I felt I never wanted anything more than to be that girl, to be part of something, to support and aid some amazing, conflicted, broken, talented people like those in that movie. I then proceeded to forget all about it, life went on, I grew up (or at least I got older - I sometimes think I was born an adult and I progress towards childhood and not the other way around as you're supposed to).

I pretty much spent my teenage years locked up in my room, reading, doing homework, playing computer games, not because I was antisocial or anything, I just wanted to be a good kid.

And then, at 19 I had a very bad day and I let a then-friend drag me to a metal concert and something broke in me and I knew I belonged, there, with those people on the stage in whatever capacity they'd have me.

Though I was not working consciously toward my goal or anything, from then on it seemed as though the musicians I met liked me, they rarely treated me as 'just a fan', more like something between a buddy, a psychologist and a mom. Never a groupie wanting a roll with a semi-famous person.

And so when a few years later I found myself in a foreign country setting up a merchandise table, waiting for the doors to open I suddenly remembered that scene from that movie and I realized I somehow managed to become exactly what I wanted to be without really trying.

And then I missed a plane and found myself in Belgium and hallucinated after not sleeping for 38 hours and it was an emotional roller-coaster and rock stars today don't really drink backstage but play angry birds on their stupid phones and I just sat there watching them and smiling to myself trying not to look too creepy.